It was a discussion which woke up my senses and revitalised my spirit. Well, it revitalized my spirit until the inevitable happened! An idiot of a man…well more like a clown, decided to spit weak rhymes on what was a perfectly put together, yet unplanned discussion.
I remember growing up in Jollof and meeting a rather interesting, older gentleman a number of us called ‘father’. He had no biological connection to me or my friends but treated us (even if for a year or two before an eventual squabble I like to call a misunderstanding) like family. For young, opinionated, public-speaking, growing wings, Gambian man in need of some super grounding, this man fuelled my thirst for enlightenment even more. He had a simple doctrine he lived by and sought to inscribe in us. He believed we were not ‘kids’.
As a 17-year old ‘boy’ who believed he could own the world, the only air my wings needed was someone I looked up to and respected believing I was an equal and trusting me enough to allow me to make the most informed of decisions at the most critical of times. This was one of the little things that built my confidence and my person.
However, our country is not composed of the likes of him. We are a nation of ‘kids’ living in a world where reality is fast teaching that no such thing exists. In fact, that reality has long lived with us. We fail to realise the value of youth and how fast people grow. That, almost twenty years ago, the gavel of power in our nation changed hands from a government of 60-year olds to a leadership with an average age bordering 30 is a clear testament of the folly in not believing in a world of young movers and shakers.
This essay is however not about ‘believing’ in youth. It is rather about how we deal with the young people in our care, for in all honesty, that’s just what they are. These ‘kids’ at the age of 13 are exposed to things that the older generation knew at 30. It is a modern age and unless we accept how fast the world is changing, we will continue to live with the issue of misunderstanding with no end in sight. Is it not evident that our failure to amalgamate the realities of a changing world with the way we want things to be has created this rift that now exists silently between generations?
I remember some years ago sitting at a restaurant on Kairaba Avenue with some friends, a young man probably in his mid teens walked up to me with an unlit cigarette in his hand asking for a lighter. He did not pause to think for a second that l could be a distant uncle he had not met. Even, at that young age, he had made a decision that would, perhaps stay with him for the rest of his life.
We must not abandon our cultural norms and values, but realising that a lot of them will be lost sooner rather than later will surely assist in ensuring that we continue to thrive and survive. How much time do we spend with our kids…or are we still bringing more children into this world than we can care to remember? It is no longer an issue but an issue of time. Collectively, we must endeavour to ensure that we have enough time to raise role models instead of murderous thieves. The window of ‘shaping’ gets smaller and smaller every day, yet we’re too busy bickering over how terrible these ‘kids’ are that we fail to realise that we’re missing out on the invaluable opportunity of raising our own.
The world is still, and will always be run by a much older generation whose experience in life, business and all things essential is necessary to balance a ‘high on steroids’ generation. However, we fail to understand that there is a huge difference between running the world, and moving it.
Just because we do not talk to our children, we do not know that ‘kids’ aged 18 are multi-millionaires or creating millionaires simply by sitting behind computer screens from dawn to dusk. We do not know that from kicking around a football, a man in a red unattractive shirt, pockets over 200,000 pounds a week while his overly educated accountant pockets 2,000 a week. We fail to realise that by holding a microphone and penning a few lines, a man created such a name for himself that another brand he created made him showbusiness’s first black billionaire. We also do not know that the video games we so despise enough to use them in our ‘carrot and stick’ discipline have made millionaires out of young people all over the world. We burn down our young people’s creativity simply because we see them as ‘kids’ without a clue of anything in the world. How much more mistaken could we be?
I listened to a poet talk of how parents forget that they were once ‘kids’ and therefore make the same mistakes their parents before them make by simply believing talking is always more beneficial than listening. We raise our kids in metal boxes that limit their development by ascribing such standards to their lives that they fight tooth and nail to live by them. Because we pay their way through school we believe that their lives must be defined by us, forgetting that their knowledge of the world that we currently live in is not as limited as we are made to believe.
I have seen children rebel simply because they have a point to prove and believe that their parents would never listen, and more often than not, these ‘little ones’ are right.
This is not a piece to condone rebellious behaviour. It simply seeks to explain it. It is not enough that we choose what schools our young ones go to, choose what classes they attend, choose which countries they go for further development, marry wives for them or marry them off to husbands, we further diminish them by making it seem impossible that they could offer anything of substance to life’s ever growing equation.
The truth is that this world is moving faster than any adult any where can ever keep up with. The internet has become such a world of exponential growth potential that people like me find it hard to keep up with the times. Yet these ‘kids’ are the very brains that create the catalytic energy which drives it. From the creation of the modern, sleek, smart phones with which these ‘kids’ take nude pictures that are leaked online, to the creation of industry solutions that make yesterday’s technology seem like stone age inventions these ‘kids’ do know about life. What they do not have is the guiding force that ensures that their creativity and knowledge gathers positive instead of negative energy.
We cannot propel these young people forward if we do not understand the way their world works and even immerse ourselves into it. We do not listen to them when they complain of ‘private study teachers’ who ‘touch’ touch them in the wrong way and wrong places simply because we’re too busy talking. Sometimes we have to find the space to breathe and listen! Before we know it, our little boys and girls are grown men and that is when we want to find the time to make life’s toughest decisions for them. Well what we’re actually doing is forcing our children to be distant from us. We’ve created this havoc of a generation we love to punch and hate to embrace.
We complain of teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, laziness, the ‘back-way’ and all the many vices that our society ‘does not know’. I acquiesce with the fact that things have changed in such a way that we find it hard to recognise ourselves these days. However, the world and our nation have not changed overnight. It has taken years of shut ears and open mouths for us to get here and now these ‘kids’ won’t listen.
The most erudite and exposed of parents still believe in chaperoning their children as long as they are within arm’s reach. We even decide on who their friends should be simply because we still have the selfish ‘guewell et burr’ mentality and want our ‘kids’ to associate with the ‘right crowd’. What’s in a name these days apart from decades of forgotten history that these young people do not even know?
We pay our children’s school fees yet fail to attend a single PTA meeting. We do not stand to cheer our children on when they perform at poetry recitals and drama competitions. We scream at them at smack them silly when they show a serious interest in sports because we feel it is the main distraction from them being doctors. Well the ‘kid’ is telling you he hates Chemistry! And Biology! And all things Science! He’s not lost! You’re the lost one!
The world isn’t waiting for any of us but it is time we take things a bit slower, breathe and analyse the numbers. There is no country without amazing talent, yet it’s sad that our country boasts of very little exposed talent and the problem must lie somewhere. We cannot all be Doctors, Engineers or Scientific Researchers. We cannot all marry into wealthy families at age 21. We cannot all dress in neck-ties and wear expensive suits. In fact, even if we could, we shouldn’t!
I keep repeating how young our population is getting simply because it is a scary reality. However, as the population gets younger, these ‘kids’ are getting smarter and more creative. To harness all that positivity, we must include them in our lives in such a way that their voices are not muffled by our grunts and snarls. Our jobs as parents and elders include guiding these young people, protecting them from harm and giving them the best chance at reaching their biggest potential. We were not brought into this world to make life’s decisions for them! We CANNOT make life’s decisions for them, because truth be told, even as adults, we keep making ‘messed up’ decisions daily!
How do you think these young people look at the older generation? Why do you think young people all over the world have created such platforms that seek to address the ills of the world? It is simply because they believe the people before them were too slow and did not (or rather do not) have a clue. Now that is the thought of a child, I agree. But it does tell you something, doesn’t it?
No one is perfect! No one has all the answers! Sometimes you can be wrong and THEY can be right. All you need to do is lend them a listening ear and you’d be surprised at the wonderful additions they could be to your lives.
I was going to give a ‘weh weh’ lecture on the foolishness that has taken over the internet in the last two weeks but again, #IChooseNotToBeAMonkey. I strongly believe that the whole ‘the children are the leaders of tomorrow’ is something we say but fail to believe. In fact if we pay a little attention to these young ones, you’d be surprised at the leadership decisions they make every single day of their lives.
We shouldn’t and cannot remote control our children’s lives. Just as every parent grew learning from their mistakes, we must guide our ‘kids’ just enough to ensure that they also have the opportunity to learn from theirs as early as possible. It is still true however that we continue to learn daily until we can learn no longer.
Let him break his left foot kicking a ball. Let her sing her heart out until her voice breaks. Learn about their worlds enough to guide their internet use and censor it. Watch a PG movie with them. Take them out for walks. Tell them about YOUR MISTAKES but don’t just tell them YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN THERE. Share your life’s stories with them. Love these kids and respect them, because it helps them to be respectable tomorrow. Allow them to #BeBold.
It is a fact that parents will always be protective of their children but it is also true that they cannot live their children’s lives for them. In trying to live their children’s lives for them they have deprived these young ones of an opportunity to live and to learn. They have selfishly stolen the joys of growth from them and have allowed themselves to believe that ‘everything they say is in their best interest’, when truth points at the fact that their ‘kids’ deserve to live also.
TGBA
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