Summer vacation comes with a lot of expectations, as any other celebration when people are free for several days. People travel to visit their families who live far away, but some are unable to go anywhere and have to stay at home, in the solitude when no one can hear your cries for help. When I was a little girl, my father and his mates always found reasons for a celebration. Perhaps I should write ”celebration” because what it included was not a good time for everyone with good food and laughter. No, it was a matter of first trying to find as much money as possible for alcohol, then drink the alcohol and for others to endure the aftermath of the heavy drinking. My sister and I early learned not to play indoors, tip-toe around the house so our feet didn’t make a sound. We learned not to look our father in the eye because that could lead to a tantrum. Still I am afraid of looking angry people in the eye, they make my heart pound heavily and I can’t think straight.
There are so many occasions for a celebration for someone who is only focused on fullfilling his cravings for alcohol. This liquid becomes a poison that destroys the mind of the person who is addicted to it. The rush from the alcohol affects the brain in a way that it craves more and more to become satisfied. There is a part of the human brain called amygdala which is in control over our emotions. The feeling of lust, of satisfaction, of tasting delicious food or drink and wanting more is controlled by amygdala. When we eat or drink something we love, a signal substance called dopamine is released and we sense a feeling of lust. This emotion is so enjoyable so we wish to repeat that over and over again. For some people this becomes an addiction and they do everything they can to experience that again, as soon and as much as possible.
Amygdala controls our emotions and one of the many emotions we can feel is the sense of power. We see that among our leaders, they get a rush from the power they have and use it whenever they can. Some have more power than others, the kind of power people have can differ , but the satisfaction of using it might be the same. Those who are higher in rank are hardly questioned because many people have the attitude towards mighty people that they are entitled to behave the way they are. Still many have the oldfashioned way of thinking that it is God who put the high and mighty in their position and therefore we are not allowed to question them. It would be like questioning God, and that is not something we can do without being punished somehow. God is not micro-managing us humans, instead he gave us our conscience so we can decide what is right or wrong. He gave us the ability to determine if our leaders are right or wrong and has told us to speak out about it.
The rush of power can be sensed when a man is beating his wife. He does it because he can, because he is stronger than her, because he feels entitled to do that as her husband. It doesn’t begin at once, he can be the perfect gentleman while the couple are courting but for someone who is aware, the signs are there. The man might be jealous, he wants to know who his girlfriend is meeting when he is not around. He asks questions about her friends , how she was dressed at the occasion and so on. It might sound innocent at the beginning, but the control system is slowly growing until the woman knows of nothing else. When the couple is married, the woman has no option but to surrender and he knows that. When the first punch comes, he has been grooming her for so long so she believes she deserves to be hit by him.
Women are considered the weaker sex, but that is only a matter of their physical strength. We might be weaker, but our minds are stronger. By nature, women are able to endure a lot and that is because we are the ones who always have protected our families. Just look at the cases where the man has left his wife alone with the children and the elderly to take care of. He doesn’t send any money, he shows no interest in taking care of his responsibilities. Could a weak person manage to feed her kids, her parents and herself without any help? The strength women possess is what many men fear and that is why weak men try to diminish women. They say that women are not able to manage without them, but that is exactly what we can do and many times are forced to do.
In many societies only men are allowed to higher studies. Parents don’t want to invest in girls education because the girls will get married anyway so the education will not benefit her parents somehow. Girls are taught to be submissive and not speak up for themselves. They are deliberately groomed to become victims in their future marriages. The girls don’t know anything about their fate until it is too late. They can’t complain, because the society says that this is how it should be and has always been. Still equality is a kind of swear word for many and those thoughts should be beaten out of the woman as soon as possible. When the girl has become married, she has to move to her husband’s house at once. She has never been near a man in an intimate way and knows nothing of what to expect. He knows what to do, and he claims his rights as a husband. The pain the girl is experiencing is what to expect, and some men enjoy it.
The rush of power gives him an emotional kick, and if he is not taught anything else he will take his wife over and over again, as soon as he feels like it. It is his right as a husband, or? We keep on warning our girls not to give in to boys, because the girls will be spoiled and the whole family will be embarrassed. Do we warn our boys not to mistreat the girls? Do we tell the boys what the physical and emotional consequences will be of their chase? Do we advise our sons, before they are getting married, how to be careful when he and his wife are going to share their bed for the first time? Do we advise our girls what to use to make it less painful? Why don’t we speak about the important things, instead of focusing on making one part scared and the other part feeling entitled?
Every day women get beaten because their men feel like it. Every day children are forced to witness their mothers being abused, both physically and emotionally. Every day many men are convinced that they are entitled to control their women. Every day there are men who decide if their women are allowed to live, or if the men can end their lives. When will the day come when it is no longer considered normal to beat the crap out of one’s woman, just because you feel like it? Raising awareness of the problem is the only way of changing the mindset. The day must come when we treat each other as we ourselves want to be treated.