Cosmic love
Anna and I chatted until daybreak without even noticing. Her subtle responses to tricky questions and the tricky ones she asks herself sometimes define us, rather loosely though, as two peas in two pods but in two different corners of the world. She has a justifiable hesitation in platonic courtship because she believes there are only three best men in the world: the one not born yet, the one she hasn’t met yet and, lastly, a dead man. This means, as a woman, every man that comes into your life eventually leaves, but not without leaving an indelible scar in your heart. So she was just floating…and searching into the wilderness.
Anna: “Sometimes I think that the last good man God created was the Prophet and the eternal curse of men is that majority of them pretend they learn from him but they actually don’t”
Me: “Lol. Well that is an extreme view but I can assure you God Has created a lot more good men. But since you didn’t create them, you gonna have to ask their creator to give you just one of them. He knows where and which wombs He places them”
Anna: “You’re right. It’s just that I’m not inspired at all by the kind of men I see. It’s like the good ones suddenly disappeared and we are left at the mercy of the vicious ones who, by all standards, marry women for nothing but carnal enjoyment. And that’s why they don’t respect us”
Me: “Eww! Now who’s being naughty?”
Anna: “Haha. It’s true”
The couch was all I needed to slickly cruise through the night unperturbed. No rolling, no stretching, no favourite sleeping position needed; just a slim body horizontally laid with my thumbs punching on the screen of my Huawei Honor. One text after another, one reply after another; it almost felt like our hearts were just somehow spiritually joined in a deep conversation while our bodies lay motionless.
Me: “What exactly are you afraid of Anna?”
Anna: “I’m afraid of a lot of things….and a lot of people. So you gonna have to be a little more specific”
Me: “I mean in marriage, what exactly scares you so much about it?”
Anna: “I’m scared of getting hurt. I’ve sacrificed a lot, kept myself in tact all these years. But as the day looms—because I know it will happen sooner or later—my inability to know the kind of husband I would have scares the hell out of me”
Me: “What kind of husband don’t you want?”
Anna: “So many questions, Talib”
Me: “Lol. Get used to it. Besides, it will be good to know. So start spilling”
Anna: “I have a very long list”
Me: “You and long lists, smh. Let’s discuss the list of unfortunate men you don’t want to get married to. Maybe I can help you by going after all of your suitors who match the description and neutralize them, you can thank me later”
Anna: Haha…hilarious! First, I don’t want an abusive husband”
Me: “Interesting. I didn’t see that coming”
Anna: “Lol. And I mean it. I would avoid getting married to anyone who shows the slightest sign of being abusive”
Me: “A genuine point, your life is sacred. Washington said it is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company and, I think, that bad company also stretches to what you’re afraid of”
Anna: “It is…and he couldn’t have said it better”
Me: “May you never get married to an abusive man. But, if by any chance you did, you’re also at liberty to drop him like a bad habit. Almost all men have tendency to abuse. That’s who we are; it is just a question of nature versus nurture. A good nurture tames a bad nature”
Anna: “Ameen. I will keep that in mind”
Me: “Who is the second horrible man on the list?”
Anna: “Haha… That’s harsh, don’t you think?”
Me: “Maybe, it depends on the type of man he is”
Anna: “True, a cheat”
Me: “I won’t withdraw my statement. Lol. So you don’t want to get married to a cheat?”
Anna: “Duh… isn’t that obvious? Who does?”
Me: “Right. Okay let me ask you this, if you’re married to someone that you know is good or at least you believe he is a wonderful husband, but one day he just cheats on you. Just once and he told you about it, what will you do?”
Anna: “What? If you cheat even once then you were never a good husband”
Me: “Are you sure you mean that?”
Anna: “Yes, there’s no excuse for cheating”
Me: “Okay, but you still haven’t answered my question. What would you do?”
Anna: “That is effectively the end of the marriage”
Me: “Really? Wow. So you’re basically refusing to be with him for just one mistake when you’ve a million reasons to be with him?”
Anna: “Definitely, Rose Wynters said no woman could love a cheater and not pay the price for it. She’s right…and I don’t have the bones for that. Cheating isn’t a mistake, it is a choice and because you had enough time to do it means you had enough time to think about it”
Me: “Refreshing huh… You seem to have a clear mind about such, I like that”
We all have little demons that we fear in the opposite sex; sometimes these demons are created after a regretful experience in relationships. Clearly, and for any sensitive observer, Anna too has to paper over the cracks, but I could sense her diminishing admiration for men, hence the list of men she doesn’t want to get married to.
Anna: “Yes Talib, I do. Now let’s talk about us, shall we?”
Me: “What do you want us to talk about?”
Anna: “Our past, I mean our recent past, when were not speaking and hurting”
Me: “Oh, that past. What about it?”
Anna: “Let’s share our experiences during those times”
Me: “So it is a therapy session now, fantastic”
Anna: “C’mon, I want to hear how you were doing when we parted. We were really close; we talked and chatted every day, all day. There’s no doubt hearts were broken and I want us to talk about it”
Me: “Please don’t remind me, I have already quarantined that past. I want to create new memories with you”
Anna: “You’re not escaping this topic Talib. Start talking, don’t waste my time. Lol”
Me: “Yes ma’am. Okay, before I met you, I was just me: a guy whose line of thinking is so different that it becomes scary even for people around me. So despite having so much wonderful people around me I was still lonely. But when I met you, that very evening on the beach, something indescribable just sparked in me. For the following weeks, I was a completely different person. I smiled, I glowed, I beamed just by thinking about you. Being with you was like a crystal; I didn’t realize how much I loved it until it broke. And, believe me if I say, it broke away with my sanity”
Anna: “Wow. That was intense. How did you get through it?”
Me: “To be honest, I don’t know. I was just moody throughout. My chest tightened, I barely ate anything but I moved on as always”
Anna: “Sorry you had to go through that because of me”
Me: “It wasn’t your fault. None of us saw it coming. I guess we were so cloned together that we overlooked the consequences of such undertaking if it fails”
Anna: “You’re right. I hope we can make it work this time”
The fact that Anna thinks about trying this again stroke me like an electric current. In that moment, I felt like my heart was open to an ancient primordial power source, with magic rays filling into my veins. It didn’t work the first time…and I don’t know if it will ever work but I like how I feel. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. And if the opportunity presents itself, I’d go for it, again. If it fails again, though I hope not, I’d survive it just like I did the last time with more strength and wisdom. And coining Socrates’ eternal words, if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Either way, you won.
