By Saffiatou Joof
I wrote this article with deep sense of responsibilities, so please take heed. I just want to make this appeal to women who are divorced. Please find ways to make peace with your ex-husband, especially in terms of caring for the children (co-parenting). There are more issues that could arise from divorce in either way, but life isn’t worth certain things. Our elders that had tied the knots should be able to sit the couples and make peace between them.
It’s obvious that during divorce, anger, frustration, and obsession can make you become the worst person that you don’t wish to be. So, I have problems with my friends and families. Some who participated directly or indirectly in the hell that boils up between couples, they used the vulnerability of both partners and exploited them into issues that could be resolved amicably.
I also notice that our society is quick to label divorced women or men. We can’t judge the woman nor the man because they are in desperate situations and often the children would suffer the consequences. I urge our society to make thorough investigations whenever stories emerge and not to rush to conclusions. There is a crucial juncture that both have to be careful of.
No matter how lazy a man could be, he would frequently like to be close to his children. You as a woman can never have control over these connections. What I saw in The Gambia recently, if we don’t kill that trend, marriage would be difficult and divorce is already a battle of hell. It’s like two fat bulls that lock up heads. Everyone is looking up ways to hurt each other while the fans are out there cheering them up.
The worst mistake that women make is to deny a father complete access to his children, this can lead to suicidal ideation Mental bottles are challenging. He would at times sit and all his mind would go back to his children. I am begging our women to calm down. Being super conscious and calculative of your decisions and self introspection are very important to make. You guys are not enemies.
Divorce is halal just like marriage is sacred.
Let’s reflect that every marriage starts from affection. Both spouses speak highly about each other, but Satan is far too tricky at times that if you scrutinise what event led to certain divorces, you would wonder how they managed to separate over unserious issues that were worth nothing.
We have to consider our words, our advice and the roles that we’re playing because this would either make or break the marriage. Yes, it is true, some men are not responsible individuals. Yes, it is true, some do play negligent. And some have do wicked things. But we have to take our time and be patient.
I saw people that go through these hard moments, but life is unpredictable and situations at times are uncontrollable. What is decreed by Allah, nobody can do anything towards that. Although there could be adjustments and reevaluation. We have to recall that divorce involves financial responsibilities, child custody and support, with the father typically bearing financial responsibility while the mother having the custody of the children.
Divorce couples should endeavour to face this project of emotional and physiological trauma that would hit, and it requires one to be ready for it. As mature people come together to build a family. A recollection and embodiment of yourself has to be done. Be well alerted before taking any decisions towards marriage because life after divorce is real.
In conclusion, couples who are ready to divorce should take note of these prospects: It comes with setting boundaries, creating a post-divorce financial consideration, extra patience and the process of rebuilding yourself. Give yourself time to adjust before making significant life changes and decisions. Involve therapy to recollect and shape your life.
Giving priority to the children, you will grieve (memories would hit) and don’t be afraid to start a new relationship again. Above all, the majority don’t want to see, (Co-parenting). Thus, your strength and lapses, you must put in order. On the contrary, society has made divorce toxic, a source of revenge and praying for complete destruction, which is unhealthy. May Allah make it easy and grant us hidaya and steadfastness. Learn how to make peace in every trial.
