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Tuesday, December 5, 2023

Marriage nowadays: Young men and ladies in focus

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By Batou Saidy

Marriage is an old institution. It’s as old as humanity and beinghood. It’s that institution that’s supposed to be there for everyone that’s capable and ready, without any barrier or discrimination. But that’s probably when things are going well. Because in this unjust and disarrayed world, even marriage is now corrupt. This article will take you through an avatar of a typical contemporary marriage and why young men procrastinate it, with a dip into common ladies’ affairs here and there. So welcome to my show.

If it’s only because of love that you’re getting married, then you’re not ready yet. Maybe you don’t even know what you want. So you should figure out more. But since I’m not skewing this to what more you should find out, let’s lift the curtain on the common love.

Most people believe that “love is a strong feeling of affection.” Well, if we can actually explain what it really is, of course in our own ways, to me, that’s quite vague. To me, it’s more than that. That cliche “feeling” can even be highly oxygenated with lustful connotations that are very thick with “true positives” of anti-love, and in fact, dehydrated with love. But we all have a way we perceive things, particularly popular ones like love. However, I believe love is largely of demonstration. Ipso facto, it is a strong demonstration of not only affection, but kindness, patience and tolerance.

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But what do we marry for?

Do we get married for procreation or we do it because we feel insecure to live alone? Do we do it because we need to, or we do it because we have to? Do we do it because we want to or we do it because our families want us to? Do we do it on coercion and cajolement, or on volition and liberty? Whatever it is, marriage is a blessed package from God Almighty that’s meant to protect humanity from adultery and fornication, to sustain the world, protect humans from diseases and poverty, and suchlike, and many more.

It’s a common knowledge that humans have always been at war with Allah, in disobedience and in sanctimony, with the hope of His vast magnanimity and forgiveness one day; but verily, He Does not condone sin, especially one as heinous as adultery and fornication. And humans are created such that, they must feel the urge to get intimate (provided all other factors remain constant). Whether one would feel the need to marry and let it be in the courtesy of God, have reward and offsprings (if He wishes), or one would opt to fiddle with their life (and prone themselves to diseases and failure, and have gross sins), these are probably the few options on the plate as far as their existence as humans is concerned, and they’re capable of marriage without any other limiting factors or outliers. So you choose what to take.

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But how do you know if you’re fit for marriage?

Economic maturity is important here, but that’s a conversation of another time. However, there are some questions that you may wanna answer yourself.

Put the money aside, ask yourself if you’re actually ready for marriage. Then ask yourself again if you’re serious about your readiness. Still, how do you determine if you’re ready and serious? Are you ready for commitment, I mean conjugal commitment? Do you wanna have someone in your life and stay with them for the rest of your life, as they say, in good and in bad, in high and low, thick and thin? But what do you have to sustain the marriage for you? Do you understand that you need money from the very beginning, should you fancy wedding, right to anywhere (however you may wanna define that)? Do you have the least economic strength to sustain it or your dad or brothers or friends would do that for you?

If you affirm these questions, then you’re prolly ready to tie the knot. Yet, you may still wanna assess yourself with some follow-up questions.

Are you getting married because you need to or you’re getting married because your family or friends want you to? Are you doing this on your own volition or you just want to please your people, or simply just to make chores easier for your mom? Or are you just getting married because your friends and age mates are doing so? If you’re confused or you don’t know what you want, come back here, let me tell you what I know.

What do I know?

What I know might not even matter, but for the sake of this article and the fact that this is my show, let me lift the lid on what I know. If you’re getting married for your family or friends, and not because you need to, then you’re not ready. If you’re getting married because your family will take care of your wife and simply not because you can sustain a wife economically, then you’re still not ready. If you’re getting married because you’d lose on this particular lady, and not because you’re ready for it, then you’re also not ready.

Why do beautiful ladies struggle to marry but supposed ugly ones marry easily?

Although people have different timelines in life, and there may not be a true “right time” or age bracket for marriage (not for ladies though) but nowadays, getting married is so corrupt. Beautiful ladies made it corrupt, simply because of a lot of expectations that they base their looks and physical qualities on, to most extent. And not all men care about looks. Contrariwise, supposedly ugly girls marry at a canter because they moderate their expectations and compromise their preferences, and do not necessarily constrict themselves of marrying only “semesters” or financially established men.

When I asked some of my friends and colleagues this question, these are some of their responses:

One said, “. . . most of those beautiful girls in the looks normally possess ugly attitude while those ugly in their looks possess beautiful attitude. So even those street boys always wish for beautiful attitude, not only by looks.”

Another one said, “. . . perhaps men are going for good character, not beauty.”

Then another one said, “. . . I think as cultural people one thing we usually attach significance to is how cultured a person is. And her morals too. There seems to be a popular perception about beautiful ladies (infidelity) perhaps due to high demands on them and they can’t resist every dude who spends all his energy and resources to get what he wants.

And also, when a lady is beautiful, men are scared to approach her perhaps thinking she is expensive or so even though she might be needing a man. But we feel frightened for some reasons based on mere speculation. Furthermore, one feels he wouldn’t be the only man for his women if she is so beautiful.”

And then my Docter said, “Because all men know that they are like planting apples on the road….”

These are some of the responses. To ascertain them, maybe we need a social research. But meanwhile, the beautiful ladies should probably consider compromising their preferences a little, moderating their expectations a little, and not necessarily marry what surround men, but who they’re instead. And while maybe-ing this, they really ought to know that – age is their enemy, and their primes won’t also last – and not all men have storey buildings.

Most men don’t want to procrastinate marriage, but also, they dislike being disrespected in any form or shape, especially in the economic form. Some fear of marrying wrongly, but some are unrealistically ambitious (pun intended).

What does marriage and dating have in common?

Heartbreak. Disappointment. Hurt. This is why I believe love is more of demonstration than feeling. Because in these situations, you’d rather demonstrate kindness, patience and tolerance than exhibit so-called “feeling” of affection. But maybe this demonstration is the feeling they’re talking about. If so, we are together. If otherwise, we are dissenting. Niumi Sitanunku where? Meet me in Jarra Toniataba.

This article is neither a motivational speech nor a counsel, it’s just a conjugal template for young men and ladies in or from this part of our world, essentially Jollof. So enjoy. Cheers. Batuwo leng.

Batou Saidy holds a degree in Public and Environmental Health. He’s a Public Health Officer and a writer. He’s also a football fanatic and a Manchester United aficionado.

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