What matters and whatnots

What matters and whatnots

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Not to put too fine a point, there’s a great deal of mystery that surrounds life and livelihood. And that great deal of mystery will continue to dupe a vast array of people albeit many others making it to the broad picture of awareness and comprehension under the same metrics.

Life isn’t easy in banality. This is the reality. However, whenever a sensitive discourse about life pops up, we tend to differ in mentality. So this article is gonna expose to you some of the things that matter, whatnots and suchlike, of course in a thrilling fashion of sobriety in its entirety.

So untangling some of these mysteries, I’ve delved into my literary prowess to bring to you: What Matters and Whatnots. By the way, grabbing this opportunity to welcome 2022 in this is a literary gesture that I wanna take. So welcome to my show.


What we say and what we do

Inconsistency has always been man’s problem since get-go. In fact, largely, man is a controversial being. Whether often launched towards pleasing or misleading others, in most occasions, what we say and what we do aren’t in conformity. Whether you want to call that paranoia or reservedness, if the things one says and those they do aren’t in harmony, there comes a leakage in consistency. Call it consistency leakage, but psychologically, that’s cognitive dissonance.

What we say and we do really matter. If one cannot guarantee their consistency for a while, it eventually succumbs people to start distrusting them. And trust is such that, it’s so delicate that, it’s hard to regain when lost. So thoroughly safeguarding this thin line between understanding and misunderstanding in this respect in indeed worthwhile.

Who we marry, what we tell them, and how we marry them

Marriage is a big decision. A somewhat decision of faith, trust and fulfilment, with aphrodisiac and carnal rewards. And oftentimes, conjugal rewards in progeny. Marriage is quite rewarding and fulfilling, but the manner in which we sometimes do it tends to defeat its purpose. How we marry, who we marry, and what we even tell them tends to either overdilute the happiness and purpose of our marriages, or overconcentrate them with nightmares and sans-intimacy. By and by, the marriage gets detached of attachment and commitment, love and intimacy.

Some of the things we tell the women we want to marry are at our own peril. This is why it’s important to calibrate our emotions. You don’t need to madly adjust yourselves just to impress them. If you don’t satisfy what she looks for in a Mr. Right, accept that and move on. You can’t beg for acceptance. Self-respect matters. There’s a difference between proving one’s love and disrespecting oneself.

You can’t promise her this entire world. The world isn’t your property. She’ll know what you have and what you can do when you eventually marry her. So allow things to flow naturally. Affection can then follow mutually.

By and large, the more you try to impress her, the more you may lose your footing. You may likely not achieve satisfaction, and her expectation bar can be exponentially raised that you may not even be able to contain it. So leave the impression part, lest you’ll likely have yourself in the crosshairs with probably no loopholes.

We all have values that we uphold. Whatever yours are, the manner in which you marry is very important, at least to your very marriage. You know your standard in all measures and regards, so you must not succumb to demands that’ll break you. Family demands, demands from your wife-to-be, her family or society shouldn’t coerce or duress you to launch a decision, be it financial or social, that’ll derail you sooner or later.

If you’re gonna take loan just to do a wedding, then you aren’t ready for marriage yet. If you’re gonna struggle to even make ends meet after spending all your savings on your wedding, then you’re also not ready for marriage yet. So grow up. Be original. Be a real man. Do things the right way, but not the way people want you to do them.

If you’re able to establish that she meets and satisfies your values and preferences, you may marry her responsibly and reasonably, and say things that you can do, and are true. Then maybe, you can enjoy a lifetime of conjugal bliss donned in amorous flairs.

How we treat others

The way we treat others reflects the real image of ourselves. Truly, man is selfish, but that selfishness has degrees that are acceptable – like loving oneself more than anything else, or giving oneself the care one needs. But unlike not wanting anyone else to make it, or even making it higher than you, or not making it to your level or position. That would graduate one from selfishness to wickedness. So it’s when we cross those boundaries that we start getting to the unacceptable range of selfishness.

It is important that we put our selfishness in check. We must not cross those extremes that’ll make everyone else less important or irrelevant. That would imply disdain and disregard. That would be narcissistic. And that would be bullshit.

In life, almost everything is level by level. We’ve all started from somewhere in our various journeys to elsewhere. And along the way, we’ve so far come across people, levels and situations. If you’re a boss today, remember that you were one time a subordinate. So treat your subordinates with due respect. You may never know what tomorrow holds. Evenly, this doesn’t suppress the fact that subordinates should duly respect their bosses. And this is applicable at any level, be it societal, institutional, organizational, civil and suchlike.

Treat others properly so that you can also deserve a proper treatment in return. By and large, what goes around, comes around. And karma is the best revenge.

How we appear

Even though it’s not good to judge one another, appearance is a famous recipe for judgement. Technically, people tend to judge others the way they appear to them. This is why appearance is very important.

You don’t necessarily need to be in designers and trademarks, Christian Diors or Louis Vuittons, or even Nikes and Adidases, you just need to have them clean and smooth. In fact, we have different priorities. Very few people are interested in what you put on, but almost everyone pays attention to it by default any time you put on dirty or rough clothing. I’m not sure if I’m gonna talk about personal hygiene here. So take care of the way you appear, then you can deserve a fair judgement perhaps.

Who we call friends

Many of us fondly misconstrue friends for acquaintances. The varying depth, level of intimacy, trust, confidence and reliability are above and beyond in the former. Our friends are people that we mostly confide in. They’re our confidants and confidantes. They’re the people we feel such degree of comfort and trust in to speak to about sensitive and secretive matters. They’re mostly our sanctuaries.

Contrariwise, if you cannot discuss your sensitive matters with them, then maybe you should start realizing that it’s not friendship, or probably not what you think it is. All the people that we sit down with, talk about trivial day to day issues, discuss football or politics, religion or business, are not our friends. We may be fond of them, but maybe they’re merely our acquaintances instead.

This is not to incite reservedness or paranoia, but sometimes, it’s good to know the people to trust or call friends. This is so because both salt and sugar are white. And sometimes, you cannot even differentiate the two by texture.

Batou Saidy is a Public Health Officer and a writer. He’s also a football fanatic and a Manchester United aficionado.