Dear Editor,
So, you know these Ghanaian Mallams that add you on Facebook and want to make you rich and solve all your worldly problems? If you remember, I had asked one Mallam to make Njundu disappear back to Badibu and take his Nnands with him, but unfortunately, both are still around and from what I understand, living the life in Fajara! Anyway, so Badibunkas have also caught on to the hustle of fake maraboutism and are now prowling the corridors of WhatsApp looking for a quick Dalasi! And you know it’s jayme ober for the Ghanaians when Badibunkas join in! Critically, while many of us sinners seek ways to obviate our sins, Badibunkas see Ramadan as a period to make money. And in Badibu, it is not how you made the money, rather, it is how much money you made.
Ramadan brings with it renewed ambition to get rich. Badibunkas know that Kiankas are very generous people and our generosity goes up a notch during Ramadan. That is why during Ramadan, you will find a Badibunka visitor in almost every Kianka home. They come for Kumpa Borro only during Ramadan, and this is despite the generally acknowledged fact that Badibunkas don’t fast during Ramadan. With the advent of social media, wily Badibunkas who are not as smart as they convince themselves, have resorted to WhatsApp scams to make money during Ramadan. They figured that by appealing to the spiritualism that accentuates Ramadan, they can make money from Kiankas by trying to scam us. Sadly, not a single Badibunka can scam a Kianka.
Guy calls me on WhatsApp and asks if I’m Alagie Barrow. I told him I’m Langmai Sanneh since that’s one of the other names my dearest mommy used to call me! I told him Alagie left his phone with me. He said I should tell Alagie it’s very urgent and he should call him immediately. I asked him his name and he said Afang Fa Brama. I’m very familiar with the Badibu accent and I can smell it over the phone, but I wanted to know what was so urgent! I waited for about ten minutes and called him. His line was busy. Then he called back and asked for Alagie Barrow. I told him that’s me. I guess he forgot that his name was supposed to be Fa Brama because this time he said his name is Sheikh Sadibou (if you’re going to be a Badibunka criminal, at least be smart enough to remember your name).
I know very well the man said his name was Fa Brama and so I asked for Fa Brama and he said yes, it’s Brama! I said, but you said Sadibou. He said Brama and Sadibou are the same names!!! I’ve never heard Brama and Sadibou being the same!!! Brama is Ibrahim as far as I know. But I didn’t want to belabour the point so I asked him what he wanted and he started with: Billai Wallai Tallie: You cannot see me but I’m holding a holy book. Alagie Barrow, your name appeared to me in a dream. And I must tell you, you have some enemies after you! (You know you’re in serious trouble when we start with swearing on holy books).
I told him I already know that I have enemies galore. Then he asked me if I know someone who lives in Jojah, I said I don’t know anyone named Jojah. Then he said no, Jojah is where she lives. I said oh you mean Georgia!! He said ahhaaa… you tubabu Karangndingos say it like that … in morri Kundas like Ceesay and Drammeh Kunda, we say Jojah.
Then he told me: I will give you an account number that belongs to one Kassa in Jojah and you should deposit some money there for the charities I’m about to tell you!!!
At this point, I’m wondering what this not so smart Badibunaka is up to! Call me out of the blue claiming my number appeared to him in a dream and now giving me an account number to deposit funds in. Then he tells me, I need to buy a Red Bull so my enemies can be vanquished. Apparently, he doesn’t know my enemies’ number in the thousands. I ended the call right there and then told him I’d call back! I don’t mind being scammed, but if you ever hear that I have been scammed by a common Badibunka, please just slap me, kick me, and spit on me!
To the Makalo family, this is grandfatherly advice from me! I’m not saying the caller was Sulayman Makalo but they definitely sound exactly alike! And of recent, I noticed that Sulayman Makalo has been sporting a turban of sorts! At the risk of defamation, I’m giving him one percent benefit of the doubt but I’m ninety-nine-point ninety-nine percent sure it was him trying to scam me! Ramadan Mubarak.
Alagie Barrow
Kiang
