It is widely known that our early interactions with the world as human beings play a huge part in our character development and outlook on almost everything. We come into this world clueless about its complexities. Though our little efforts, backed by human instincts, enable us to seek help and attention—but that’s about it as far as our own efforts go—at that stage of our lives.
Oftentimes, our parents and parental figures, being products of a world that prioritizes ends over means, use any channel to make us do what they expect of us.
From an early stage of our lives, we learn to associate fear with authority. We do things; because Mother will give us a beating if we fail to do so. Father will get the belt if we hit the neighbor’s son.
They tell us that a Kangkurang will get us if we do not stop crying, and we will go quiet. They tell us the witch will feast on us if we do not finish our meals; our plates will mirror our frightened faces, emptied of leftovers.
While these may have kept us behaved, at what cost?
This approach to securing obedience conditions us to prioritize ends over means. This is telltale enough, as people worship and lionize results over the actual process. It doesn’t matter how you achieve it; what matters is that you have it.
The issue with using the element of fear to ensure obedience is that it shapes us to fear authority, instead of respecting it. We become total strangers to conscience. And a human without conscience becomes the most dangerous thing on earth.
To add to that, we become insensible of basic decency, leaving us a frail foundation to ground our moral judgements. The element of fear as a disciplinary measure only brings about a momentary orderliness. In the long run, we master the skills of fake respectability. If the trigger goes out of sight our true conduct is revealed—and even worse, when surrounded by vulnerable individuals. We bully them. We feed our fragile egos by passing the same cycle of abuse upon them.
Again, the unalloyed shimmer of virtuousness then layers with snobbery. Performance. That’s what we glean; performative altruism. The upkeep of performance, as we know it, cannot be sustained. For that reason, no matter how hard we brace the stage—the curtains will close.
After all, we will get cookies for being “well behaved” kids who obey authority and respect their elders. Do we really obey authority? Do we actually respect our leaders? Or is it the fear we obey? Will we still obey such commands in the absence of fear?
Void, soullessness, apathy and self-loathing will slowly curl around our throats—nauseate us to the extent of puking on those we should look after.
You may briefly succeed in securing your child’s obedience by instilling fear in them, but that only makes them do things because of fear. They will be ruthless and without conscience. It won’t break a bone to use more productive and healthy approaches to discipline your child; because a kid only understands the language you teach them. For instance, storytelling has been a timeless productive and effective method used for the edutainment of children—it keeps them from idle engagements and teaches them moral lessons. This is done through melodious and creative oral narratives. In the didactic function of most stories, children learn to explore and understand other emotions such as compassion, gratitude, humour and joy. That way they will break free from fear and anger and embrace the beauty of human compassion and conscience.
