What is her value? Does she have any value, just as a human being, or lays her value in what she can achieve? When a baby is born, it is greeted and celebrated. The naming ceremony comes with whatever pomp and circumstances her parents can afford. People gather for the ceremony, they join in prayers and well wishes, but their minds are on the food they are expecting to be served. The food must be plenty as a lot of people gather to have the meal of their lifetime. Some of the guests are close relatives, others are just noisy neighbours smelling the smoke from the barbeque. Their mouths are watering when they think of all the delicious food they are about to receive. They line their pockets with plastic bags, in case they will be able to sneak away something from the over-filled plates.
The ladies, who are hired to take care of the cooking, make sure to smuggle bits and pieces of the meat they normally can’t afford to buy. The hosts might have bought some new knives and cooking utensils for the feast, but they will never see these items again after the party is over. They have gone with the wind, together with most of the remaining food. Money given as gifts for the baby has gone too. There are always plenty of people who suddenly need money for the taxi home. It seems taken for granted that someone else will be willing to pay for your trip back home, even if it was your own decision to go to the ceremony.
The girl child, who has been the centre of all the commotion, knows nothing about all of this. Her gifts, that was supposed to give her a good start in life, have been shared among those who believe they deserve it better than the baby and her parents. They are left with debts and a strange feeling that this was not what they expected to happen. I know some young couples even hesitate to hold a naming ceremony, as it comes with more trouble than joy. This seems to be a pattern, in The Gambia, that every time there is some kind of ceremony or celebration, there is no hesitation in how much to spend. The debts, after the celebrations, are a heavy burden to carry for most people, but it seems almost a taboo to speak about it in the open.
Back to the girl child I began to speak about. When she grows up a little, and she is starting school, there are so many expectations on her. Girls are supposed to always behave well, and there are never the same excuses for girls that there are for boys. When boys misbehave, we say: Well, boys will be boys, but we never say the same about girls. Instead we expect girls to be the ones who help the teachers and other adults to make sure the boys are behaving. Why put this responsibility on the small girls? They should be free and playful, not being forced to act in a way they are not mature enough.
Boys have a lot of freedom, they are not expected to do all the chores at home as the girls are. Being a responsible person comes with maturity, but it has to be practised while growing up. No one wakes up one day as a responsible person. Trials and errors have come in its way, and that is normal. We don’t speak enough with our children, and I mean WITH, not TO them. We speak a lot to them, telling them what to do and what not to do, but how often are we having a conversation with our children? If that is a strange thought to you, then it might be about time to change your mindset. Children understand so much more than we expect them to do, so try to change your approach to them and prepare to get amazed.
Girls are practising becoming mothers one day, that seems to be their only task and their only value in a patriarchal society. They learn how to clean, cook, wash dishes, wash clothes, looking after their younger siblings so they will learn how to take care of their own future children. Girls run errands, they are sent out to some shopping – even after dark. They are told to be careful, but nothing about the dangers they might approach. They are taught not to involve with boys, but nothing about the consequences this involvement might lead to. Girls are more or less expected to find this out on their own, and it is always the girl’s fault if something goes wrong.
Some girls are lucky enough to have parents who understand the value of a proper education. The parents do their level best to pay for school fees, all the equipment the student needs and perhaps some bututs for a ride to school. There are parents who are too poor to send their girls to school. If a family has a lot of children, there is simply not enough money to cover for all the experiences. That is understandable, but tragical, because those without an education are doomed to a life in poverty. If a family has to choose between sending their sons or their daughters to school, they choose the boys first. The plan is that when the boy has graduated, and got a job, he can support his family. Good enough, but not enough!
There is a proverb from Ghana that says: If you educate a man, you educate an individual.
If you educate a woman, you educate a family (nation).
This well-known saying is attributed to the Ghanaian scholar Dr. James Emmanuel Kwegyir-Aggrey, one of this century’s greatest educators. He probably used this proverb to convince African parents who were more willing to allow their male children to attend missionary schools than their daughters. The message here is that once we know the value of education for men in society, we should allow women to have equal access to it.
When we get to know our children and see their skills, we can encourage them to study to improve that skill. Studying at a vocational school is just as good as becoming a doctor or a lawyer, because we need skilled workers in all areas.
It saddened me to read that there are parents who lie about the age of their daughters. It is against the law to get married before the age of 18, but ID cards are faked to show that the girl is older than she actually is.
To avoid conflict with the law, parents would do everything to get ID cards for their daughters so that they would appear to be of marriage age. Instead of protecting their daughters, parents themselves are the ones trying all efforts to make sure that their children get an ID to get into early marriage.
When a girl is forced to get married at a very young age, she has lost her freedom. She can no longer choose her own future, because someone else has decided that for her. Her body is not mature to carry a baby, giving birth will be risky and even lead to her and the baby’s death. Her mind is not mature to become a mother, she is still a child and can’t be expected to raise a child of her own. Her hopes and dreams are gone, she has lost her voice because others speak for her. Is this what we wish for our girls? Don’t they have a higher value?
