By Alagie Saidy-Barrow
Growing up, I was my mommy’s baby. And man, I enjoyed all the perks of being a lastborn. Firstborns and middle children will never understand the joys of being a lastborn. It’s simply beyond them. Parents try their best to convince first and middle children that they’re special and unfortunately, you’ll find many first and middle children who fall for this but hey, let them think they’re special.
Growing up, one of the values my mommy emphasized and would never compromise on was respect for those older than you. To this day, I call my older brother Tata Lamin. I don’t like calling those older than me by their first name because it was not encouraged by my mom. Being an elder came with reverence and my mom insisted on it. I still strive to give this reverence to all who are older than me. As long as they are not Badibunka or Ceesay Kunda Nkol (except Ceesays from Kiang).
As I get older and hear young men and women call me Kotor or Uncle, I realise that my upbringing wasn’t unique to me. Most of us were raised to respect those who are older than us. We were not supposed to insult our elders, we were supposed to listen to our elders, and we often had to yield to our elders. But this was not a one-way street. Elders were also expected to act like elders. Respect was a cycle.
The respect, honour, and reverence for elders also came with some responsibility. Kotor or Uncle must be earned. The younger ones will struggle to call you Kotor or Uncle if all you do is engage in tomfoolery. You have to act like a Kotor or like an Uncle to be an elder. Unfortunately, this individualism we remain tethered to is slowly killing the little values we once held dear. More so in the political arena. Elders in politics have no issues being petulant! Or telling lies. In politics, we are told that there is no consistency but if you call them liars because they told lies, they get offended. The best medicine against being called a liar is to simply not lie.
A young man told me he struggles to call Sawagibbi Uncle because he saw a video of him practicing the Sous dance (ask Njundu to show you the dance). When you become an elder, you have to act like one. Don’t ask me what acting like one constitutes because if you have to ask, it means you’re not an elder. I mean if you make a video practicing the Sous dance and it goes viral, should you really get mad at young ones for pointing at you and giggling? Act like an elder!
Anyway, as I said, being an elder comes with reverence but it also comes with responsibilities. These responsibilities include honesty, impartiality, temperance, fairness, self-respect, and honouring oneself. When these responsibilities become a burden on anyone, they’re not fit to be elders. Being an elder means acting like Dawda ML Ceesay and not like (fill in the blank). Age may get you to elder status but it’s character that sustains that status. If you act like an elderly fool, don’t get mad when younger ones call you a fool!
